[DIARY] 20230626 Random Monday

I think it is time for me to set a new journey for the next chapter. I’m still figuring out what to do next because I still have no idea where to go and where to navigate my next life.

Things changed so much in me. Not in a good way. Sometimes I wonder is awareness of this changing really a good thing? Or it is actually bad because I know something is changing but I do not know what to do about it and I start to gratify this changing instead of doing things because of it.

My mind is really messy at the moment, I’m trying to reorganize these thoughts. But I do not know how tho? I think this is why I can not think clearly these days because things are messy in my head and all over the place. It’s all there but I don’t know where to find it and how to put them back in place. I genuinely have no idea to sort this.

But one thing for sure right now is start a new chapter. I hope it is not just a random thought on Sunday morning (it’s twelve o’clock tho?). I can’t continue to live like this anymore. It is my life and I’m responsible for living it to the fullest or going nothing to do about it. Whether I want to live it to the fullest or not I’m 100% sure I will still not satisfy about the fact that I exist here. So, screw this thought. I will do what I want to do from now on.

I lost too much for the past few years and I do not want to end up being a loser. I hide myself for too long. I do not believe in myself for too long. Like imagine what I can do if I didn’t overthink too much because I think I wasn’t worth it. Now, it is time to claim it.

I think I’m ready to close this chapter and start a new one. I’m losing too much these days and nothing I receive as return. I need to reclaim it myself or I will regret it. At least if I’m not gonna make it in the next life then I have no option but to make this reality to be one of the best.

I sat too long thinking about those days that will return as it used to.

I sat too long thinking about I am not worthy enough to achieve this and that.

I sat too long thinking about I should settle less.

I sat too long thinking about people that actually never care about me.

I sat too long thinking about things that are not supposed to be thought too much.

I’m getting soft and it’s time to close this chapter and rewrite a new one.